BP When Life Gives You Lemons…
I just started reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and I’m really getting a lot out of it. I had a hunch a few weeks ago that I was blocked creatively and I had another hunch that it was probably because of some stuff that happened when I was a kid and teenager. With deep psychological wounds, I’m generally hesitant to do any type of exploring to find out what’s going on…seems like a lot of work and time. Not to mention the whole “fear of my inner demons” and whatever other goodies are hanging with the skeletons in my closet.
But with so much at stake and with so much on my plate, it’s just not sensible to continue living like it’s not a problem. I ordered some books a few weeks ago after really deciding I wanted to learn more about living a functional creative life, and Julia Cameron’s book was one of them. Her site is www.juliacameronlive.com
I ended up starting the audiobook before the book arrived and I’ve been listening to it on my commute to a carpentry project in NJ these past few weeks.
So far, it’s amazing. Julia Cameron is a deep duck, and a very talented writer. The picture she draws of being creative and how to approach creative work is unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. She knows that our inner critic ultimately speaks from a place of fear. Our own irrational fear of others, what they think (proven or otherwise), and of our shortcomings. She mentioned at one point that the way we imagine God’s perspective on our creative pursuits is similar to how our parents viewed them when we were kids. That really hit me hard.
We create these false ideas in our minds, and then hold onto them throughout our lives. They impact not just our creative work, but our lives as a whole. I know for myself, this is very true. I dealt with childhood trauma and I have carried it into my adult life. My work has been touched by the ink of my own self-consciousness.
I’m looking forward to breaking through it. I’ve carried these weights for so long…for what reason?
Probably laziness. It’s hard work dealing with this stuff. Digging up the bedrock and tilling the soil. Takes work man, and lots of it.
Better late than never I guess
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The best part of the Artist’s Way so far for me has been the morning pages. Each morning, write long hand three full pages of pure stream of consciousness. Doesn’t matter how crappy or “egotistical” it is. It’s really a brain dump and just needs to happen. I’ve been doing it for the last week or so and I honestly think it’s saved me from a mental breakdown. I was so overloaded with work, music, and family stuff, I felt like I was about to break. I started writing my morning pages, and I feel relieved inside my own mind. And my soul. All these thoughts and feelings percolating inside my brain rotting over and over. Ugh…
Emotional content/information isn’t the same as data. It has to be solved, processed, understood to a certain extent and depth. Ignoring it only adds more data to an already limited bandwidth. Eventually the machine breaks down. It’s just too much unresolved feelings, too much tension, not enough resolving. Music is like life. You can’t just be tense all the time…
You gotta come home and settle down!
Morning pages are the truth.
I’m stepping out of my comfort zone with my next production. This song is going to be something special though…B major – making my way back up. We’re in clear sharps territory now. What a magical key
5/1/21
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